Spider Bites
by Literaturefangirl
Summary: Bite sized Spider-Verse drabbles revolving around Spider-Noir, May and the spider gang. Where Spider-Noir has grim answers for a game of I, Spy and May's Christmas wish comes true.
1. Black Tinted Glasses

**I, spy**

"I spy with my little eye something starting with T." Spider-Ham said, beginning a game of I spy to pass the time as the bus headed towards Fisk Tower, where their ticket home awaited them.

"Tax evasion." Spider Noir answered the first thing that popped into his head. Recalling the dirty tactics Norman Osborn undoubtedly employed to keep his ill-gotten wealth out of the government's hands.

"I was thinking taxi." Spider-Ham clarified, surprised by how off Peter's guess had been. Nevermind, maybe he'll get the next one.

"Okay, how about this next one. I spy with my little eye something starting with C."

"Corruption."

"Car. I was going to say car." Spider-Ham patiently revealed the correct answer once more. Did Peter not understand how the game worked?

"Now I know you can get this next one. It begins with a B, you can see it in the streets." Spider-Ham winked at Peter, hoping he would get it right this time.

"Beatings." Peter gave a cynical answer, yet again. Growing up in a poor neighbourhood, it was either beat or _be_ beaten up.

"Billboards. You're _really_ bad at this."

"It's not a game of word associations, Peter." Gwen chimed in, head leaning against the bus window, bored with waiting for the bus ride to end. This was the time to mentally prepare themselves for the challenge ahead, not for playing games.

"I only reflect upon the world that I've lived through." Peter lamented and lowered his head to express the melancholy of his existence.

"Rough childhood, am I right?" Spider-Ham joked to Gwen about the man who viewed the world with black tinted glasses.

 **Christmas Carrots**

You can't stay in the house forever May, you have to go out once in a while. It's for a good cause. May told herself, on the way to a nearby soup kitchen. Happy to draw upon her experience cooking for Peter and Ben, May was assigned to chopping vegetables. This was no date, but May was grateful for something to do on a lonely weekend. As time passed, May soon had company—a man with wavy, greying ginger hair.

Like the colour of the carrots she was currently chopping, but tinged with age. May greeted the man who introduced himself as Frank Spencer and the two worked together chopping vegetables.

While May was too focused on chopping carrots for making chit chat, Frank made a joke to break the silence.

"Do you like Christmas carols? Personally, I don't _carrot_ for them at all."

"That sounds like a dad joke, if I ever heard one." May remarked with a smile, charmed with his effort of breaking the ice. "Do you have children?"

"Daughter and son. Will you be spending the holidays with anyone?" He asked. May knew he was asking her to be polite, but a part of her wished he was extending an invitation. Christmas wouldn't be the same this year without Peter to share it with.

"No. It's just me this year." May answered, pretending like it didn't bother her. Perhaps it was obvious that May was putting up a brave face or maybe it was Frank's years of experience detecting when his former wife was hiding something bothering her. Nonetheless, Frank offered her an invitation to join his he and his family for a fun activity.

"You know, I'm taking the kids ice skating next week, followed by a bit of Christmas shopping. Why don't you join us? I could always use a second opinion."

"And an extra pair of hands to carry the shopping bags." She quipped, making Frank laugh, who appreciated her sarcastic sense of humour.

"Wouldn't dream of it."

"It's a date then." May remarked with a hopeful smile.

 **Christmas**

"Peter, why don't you watch the movie with us?" May asked, gesturing for the monochromatic man to join her, Peni and Spider-Ham on her cozy sofa.

"Let me see if I have my facts straight. This is a moving picture… in a box?" Peter asked after sitting down. The convenience of watching a film in your home instead of in theatres, an unusual one for him to grasp.

"That's right. They're probably not far off from being invented in your world, but in the meantime, you can watch It's a Wonderful Life."

"What's wonderful about life?" Peter asked, feeling sullen about the premise already.

"You'll see."

Once the movie was over, a chorus of reactions took place.

"I don't need _wings_ to hover." Said Spider-Ham comparing his abilities to Clarence the guardian angel gaining his wings.

"That was so _kawaii_! He made the town a better place."

Peter however, did not say a word. Was that a sniff May heard underneath his mask?

"Beggin' your pardon…" Peter excused himself and went to the bathroom. Following her aunt's intuition, May went up to see Peter who was gripping the sides of the bathroom sink.

"Peter, are you alright?" May asked, concerned for the man drooping his head sadly.

"My uncle Benjamin fought for the greater good and spoke for the people trapped in poverty. In the end, it got him killed. He didn't get a second chance like George."

"No, but he has you to carry on his good work." May gripped Peter's arms and gently turned him around to face her. No matter which dimension he came from, Peter always had a place in May's heart and it was time for Peter to do the same.

"Now, let me see my nephew's face." May reached for the mask covering Peter's face. But Peter had other plans.

"I'm not taking off my… mask." Peter protested, while May disregarded his words and did so anyway.

Underneath the mask revealed a weary figure, a face etched with wrinkles around his eyes. Offset by the handsomeness of his features and a stylish, slicked back hairdo that made his hair shine.

"The war has been hard on you." May said softly and wrapped her arms around Peter in a warm, loving embrace.

 **The Spider's Apprentice**

Unpredictable and dangerous like a lightning strike, Electro was a sinister opponent for even the most capable of heroes. In spite of being covered from head to toe in insulating leather, Spider Noir was unfortunate to be hit in his unprotected leg, by a stray bolt of electricity. Lights out for the Spider-Man.

In a dreamlike state, Peter was suddenly on the stage of a speakeasy, belting out a heavenly tune and capturing the gaze of two fine young ladies; Gwen and Peni—his teammates.

" _Never thought I'd see an angel, but seein' is believin'. You've got me believin, darlin', in you!_ "

—

"No, no, no, no. This can't happen to you now, I need you!" Miles cried out, shaking Peter's unconscious body repeatedly. Desperate to wake him before Electro could kill the both of them. But though his eyes did not flutter open, his subconscious mind picked up on Miles' cries.

"Excuse me, sir. You have a phone call from a mister _Miles_ Morales on the line." Spider-Ham informed him, dressed as a waiter.

"Be there in a sec." He replied and waved dramatically goodbye to his adoring audience. Back in the real world, Peter's eyes finally opened to Miles' relief.

"I had a dream. I was singing and Gwen and Peni were there." Peter said with a groggy voice, mind slowly rising from the fog.

Uneasy with Electro still at large, Miles looked frantically over his shoulder, looking for any sight of him, as Peter put a hand on his forehead to soothe his aching head. The kid was right to be scared. Getting hit with one of Electro's bolts was a doozy. But there was still a glimmer of hope.

"Don't worry bud, the gang will get here soon." Peter put a reassuring hand on Miles' shoulder.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed these one-shots I came up with. Please leave a review, I'd love to see your thoughts. There's two more chapters coming up, so stay tuned.  
**


	2. Pick Your Poison

**Scorpion, Again (Based on feverish Nick Miller in New Girl)**

During a long and arduous fight with the Scorpion, dodging his venom dripped stinger at every turn, Peter was taken by surprise by a well-placed smack to the throat, knocking the wind out of him. As the Scorpion loomed closer, Peter quickly rolled to the side. But the battle had left him weary, his movements too slow to dodge the whip of the Scorpion's tail.

Peter cried out in pain, as the venomous barb nicked his shoulder and the police moved in on the scene. The cavalry's finally here. Peter thought and mustered all the strength he could to return home and concoct an antidote.

After successfully administrating the antidote, Peter gladly accepted a bowl of pea soup and the warm blanket his wife Mary Jane wrapped around him, while he leaned back into the sofa.

"This could be the Scorpion's venom talking here, but a cartoon about Gobby would be really cool." Peter said to Mary Jane woozy from the last remaining amounts of venom leaving his system.

"Hey, can we watch something on your phone? I'm hallucinating right now and I'd rather focus on something else." Peter asked, hoping for something to get his mind off the floating cartoon Goblin head hovering near him.

Thinking for a moment, Mary Jane recalled a popular video series trending on the Internet.

"Let's watch Spidey Pals."

"What's that?"

"It's a new puppet show they made based on your exploits." Mary Jane explained and loaded the video on her smartphone. On a small-scale handmade stage, a curtain was drawn and a puppet of Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus appeared.

"Oh no, I'm out of webs!" The puppet Spider-Man exclaimed and quivered with fear, painting an unflattering picture of the hero.

"You're going to find out what it's like to be real spider…" Doctor Octopus paused for dramatic effect. "After I pull off all your limbs!" He finished ominously. The curtains of the stage closed and the sound of bubble wrap popping played over a speaker, to imply Spider-Man's injury.

"It's making fun of meee… that's not what happened!" Peter protested, feeling disheartened by what he'd watched. Was this how people perceived him?

"How's the pea soup?" Mary Jane changed the subject and craned her neck to inspect the partially eaten soup she'd prepared for Peter.

"It's terrific…"

 **Cake**

Coming home with a generous serving of leftover chocolate cake from Frank's daughter, Sally's birthday party. May invited the Spider gang for some afternoon tea.

While Peni, Spider-Ham and Spider-Man Noir took a seat on the sofa, May watched from the kitchen table as they ate their dessert.

Preferring to eat slowly, Peni ate small spoonfuls of cake at a time. Using his own cartoon abilities, Spider-Ham threw the cake slice into the air and swallowed it whole, making crumbs spill out of Peni's mouth as she laughed.

Peter on the other hand, was relishing every bite of his cake slice. His contented praise drawing everyone's attention to him. "Mmmm, this is so good."

"Peter, you've got something on your face." Peni sheepishly pointed out the ring of chocolate icing around his mouth. Eyes lighting up when he realized what a mess he'd made, Peter quickly wiped his mouth and apologized.

"Excuse my manners, I don't often get to eat such decadent desserts."

"And they say _I'm_ a pig." Spider-Ham quipped, to Peter's embarrassment. Wasn't it enough that everyone had noticed him savouring a snack like a schoolboy?

"You know Peter, you're welcome to drop by any time if your rations get low." May took the heat off Peter with an invitation to help himself to her pantry.

"Thank you May, you're an angel." Peter thanked May, grateful for the diversion. No matter what dimension, it warmed his heart that May would be there to look out for him.

"I know." May replied with a wry smile.

 **We are in need**

Choosing the young and bright Peni Parker as his partner to investigate a night time disturbance at a storage facility, Spider-Man Noir peered over at the site of the suspected break in and gave Peni her next instructions.

"Now listen, when we go out there, there won't be any cover to save our backsides, so follow my lead."

Taking Peni's silent thumbs up as the sign to go ahead, Peter pressed his back against the wall as he turned the corner. But what he saw when he got there was unlike anything he'd ever seen before.

Tall as a giant from a freak show, with the consistency of treacle, the symbiote known as Venom dug through a storage locker, selecting certain items of value like a flat screen television and expensive clothes to take back home with him.

"Those items don't belong to you." Peter declared with a stern voice, standing his ground against the obsidian monstrosity towering over him.

" **WE NEED THINGS**."

"And you think that gives you the right to steal? Think again!" Peter took out two pistols from his holsters and peppered laser fire into Venom. Snarling with displeasure, Venom shot a tendril towards Peter to deal with the pesky intrusion.

"Cover me!" Peter called out to Peni, as he sprang to the side to avoid Venom's oncoming attack. Though the two managed to hold off Venom as best as they could, Peter and Peni were clearly outmatched. They were missing something, they just couldn't see it yet.

Deep in thought while devising tactics to defeat Venom, Peter was blindsided by a sudden attack, sending him slamming into a steel roll-up door behind him, leaving him reeling and sending Peni into a panic. What would she do without the advantage of an experienced fighter, fighting alongside her?

Scrambling to press buttons on her mech's interface to continue fending off against Venom, Peni accidentally activated the stereo.

Loud enough to be heard from outside the mech, the energetic music sent Venom's surface mass rippling, exposing the host within.

" **EDDIE CAN'T KNOW ABOUT THIS!** " Venom hissed, worried about what his host would think if he discovered the thievery he'd committed on his behalf and took off into the night.

Relieved that the fighting was over, Peni ran over to where Peter. Checking to see whether he was alright.

"My head went fuzzy there for a moment... Is that tar covered eel still around?" He asked, looking for signs of the symbiote who had clocked him in the mug.

"No, I drove it away with my music." Peni beamed, proud that her accidental discovery had caused Venom to flee.

"It must have been _some_ music if it could make it run off like that." Peter remarked, impressed with his partner's resourcefulness.

"You want to listen to it with me sometime?" Peni asked with a smile, hopeful that she could share her favourite music with her friend.

"It would be my pleasure."

 **Pizza**

Eager to make a good impression on Mary Jane while she was out on an errand, Peter set out to make a pizza from scratch while awaiting her return.

After pounding the dough thoroughly and assembling the toppings (making a mess in the kitchen as a result), Peter placed the pizza dish in the oven.

As the pizza dough rose, Peter's patience sank proportionally. It may not be the bread she deserved, but Peter was determined to show his commitment… to giving Mary Jane a good meal that is. Half an hour later, Mary Jane returned to her apartment, where she was greeted by the sight of a spotless kitchen and fresh pizza on the kitchen table.

"I made us lunch, while you were away. Have a seat."

Taking a bite out of her pizza slice, Mary Jane tasted the sweetness of tomato paste, the creaminess of cheese and the pleasure of said pizza slightly sticking to the roof of her mouth

"It's a little undercooked." Mary Jane said, making Peter's heart sink, because despite his best efforts he'd screwed something up again. But there was still a chance to salvage things.

"If we cooked it a little longer, I bet it would turn out better." Peter remarked, taking the plate over her shoulder and giving her an affectionate glance.

He wasn't talking about pizza anymore and despite his mistakes, Mary Jane was glad they'd given their relationship another shot.

* * *

 **After finishing what was supposed to be a one-shot, I was inspired to use some ideas I had tucked away in my mind, so you'd have more drabbles to read. Thank you for all your support. (The final chapter in the trilogy will be coming up soon.)  
**


	3. Fans

**Selfie (Inspired by a Nic Cage photobomb)**

"It's red, you gotta wait for the traffic light to change." Spider-Ham tugged the sleeve of Spider-Man Noir's trench coat, before the colour-blind man could step towards traffic that was sure to come at the intersection.

"If there's no cars on the street, we just crossed the road."

"Traffic's different around here, you can't cross like it's the 1930's anymore." Spider-Ham advised, playing guardian angel for Peter in a modern world with fast cars and numerous civilians, he had barely begun to experience.

"If you say so." Peter shrugged.

On their way to the frozen yogurt store like Gwen had suggested, two girls looked up from their phones and saw a group of spider people. Walking together like it was the most normal thing in the world.

"Look, there's so many of them, we should ask them to come over!" One of the girls said to the other, thrilled by the sight of the spider gang. It wasn't very often that she had the chance to see the one and only Spider-Man, let alone four. This needed an immediate selfie.

"No!" Her friend Alicia exclaimed, feeling self-conscious about the very idea of meeting one of her idols.

"Hey Spider guys! Can we take a picture with you?"

Too late. Denise had already called them over.

"We were kind of in the middle of _something_ …" Peter B Parker explained, hesitant to stop to have their photos taken. He couldn't speak for the others, but he wasn't exactly in the best shape.

"C'mon Peter, we can't keep our adoring public waiting." Spider-Ham reminded him. He remembered those days, when he would stop to take selfies. Maybe it was time to do it again. And so, Peter reluctantly joined the others and gathered around the two fans for a group photo.

"Smile and wave boys." Spider-Ham told the two Peters, while Gwen who wanted to get a good shot for the two girls, held the phone at the ready.

Not realizing that Spider-Ham was getting them ready for the shot, Spider-Man Noir took his request literally and made an uncharacteristic cheerful wave for the camera, with Spider-Ham perching on his shoulder and Peter putting a hand on Alicia's shoulder.

Alicia barely felt the weight of Spider-Man's hand on her shoulder. It all happened so fast, she could hardly believe she now had a photo of three Spider-Men on her phone.

Seeing that Alicia was feeling a little starstruck, her friend Denise stepped in and thanked Gwen and the Spider-Men for their time.

"Thanks for the picture!"

"No problem." Peter replied, as the two girls went on their way.

Wanting to see the friendly neighbourhood spider people once last time, Alicia looked back received a friendly wink from Spider-Ham.

"Bye folks!"

A cartoon pig had just waved goodbye to her, making her a day a spectacular one.

 **Fro-yo**

Spoiled for choice and stuck with a feeling of drowsiness that made choosing any frozen yogurt flavour impossible, Spider-Man Noir couldn't help but yawn as the others decided what flavours and toppings they wanted to have.

"Peter, are you still deciding?" Gwen asked, when she noticed he wasn't showing any particular interest in the yogurts on display.

"Sorry, my all-night stakeout didn't go so well." Spider-Man Noir apologized and removed his hat and mask in an effort to feel more alert.

"It happens." Peter sympathized and wondered how much of the fro-yo would be going to his midsection.

"How about I choose a flavour for you?" Gwen suggested, taking the challenge of choosing out of his hands.

"That would be swell."

After everyone's yogurts had been served, the spider gang sat down at a four seated table.

Peter B had chosen a coconut flavour. They say coconut is a good fat burner. Spider-Ham— a pancake yogurt. A sweet flavour to satisfy his penchant for baked treats. Gwen had picked her favourite; strawberry cheesecake and an espresso flavour with gummy worms for Spider-Man Noir. That would wake up his taste buds.

"It tastes sour… and _bitter_. Like my heart on a lonely winter's night." Spider-Man Noir lamented, making the others smile at their friend's melodramatic way of expressing himself.

 **Dinosaur**

Weeks after Peter had shown up at Mary Jane's apartment with flowers in his hand, the couple's neglected relationship was beginning to mend. He had cooked for her and taken her dancing. His slow motion dance moves had been pretty cool. He hoped Mary Jane thought so too.

Their relationship had advanced to hand holding, now. Not quite linking arms, but enough to assure Peter that he was on his way to winning Mary Jane's heart back. As Mary Jane and Peter walked down the block, both their heads turned upon hearing the cries of a child.

The cries belonged to a blond boy, wearing green shorts and a bright yellow t-shirt with a dinosaur printed on it. He wiped his tear streaked face, while his parents discussed how they could console him.

"What happened, kid?" Peter came over and crouched down to be at the boy's eye level.

"I dropped my dinosaur." The boy looked down and pointed at the sewer grille near his feet, while his mother dried his nose with a handkerchief. A grille that wide, was bound to allow his webs to fit through. Peter thought. Now, all he needed was a distraction.

"Hey, is that Spider-Man over there?" Mary Jane exclaimed, pointing to buildings in the distance. That's my girl. Peter admired Mary Jane's quick thinking and pulled out a web shooter from his pocket, while the boy was distracted looking for Spider-Man. Straining his eyes to locate the dinosaur through the grille, Peter eventually found it and yanked it back to the surface with webbing.

"Where did Spider-Man go?" The boy asked with a sad voice, feeling disappointed that he hadn't gotten to see New York's friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man.

"Oh, you just missed him. That's too bad. But you know who missed you? This guy!" Peter pulled the dinosaur from behind his back with one swift gesture, making the boy cry out with delight.

"What do you say, Oscar?" Oscar's father prompted him to remember the manners his parents had taught him.

"Thank you, mister!" Oscar shook Peter's hand vigorously and ran back to his parents, with a spring in his step.

"Neat party trick, huh?" Peter came up with a reasonable explanation for the web shooter in his pocket and flashed Oscar and his parents a smile, who thanked him once more and went on their way. But Oscar's parents were not the only ones Peter had brought a smile to their face. Standing beside him with a knowing smile, Mary Jane thought about what a great father Peter would make one day.

* * *

 **These are my second last drabbles. The final chapter will be a reader request one (all slots filled.)**

 **The dirty look Peter B gives to Noir was inspired by Nic Cage accidentally using inappropriate slang while recording his lines.  
**


	4. Sunny days and Rainy Clouds

**Date**

"Hey Peters...I may have asked a girl out on a date. You got any pointers for me?"

Miles approached Peter who hailed from the 1930's and his teacher Peter B Parker. Though Peter B seemed to have had a very rough patch in the past when it came to love, his experience would be invaluable. And who better to ask for romance advice, than the man with a poetic soul?

"When you go out with a girl you like, it's the little things that count. Tell her, that shirt really brings out your eyes."

"And if everything went dandy, you lean her back, sweep her off her feet and kiss her." The private eye got ahead of himself and advised Miles on a situation only applicable when dancing.

So much for that romantic insight. Maybe this Peter had less experience with the matters of the heart than even him.

"That's a little fast, don't you think?" Peter B stepped in to correct his counterpart's impractical suggestion. What Miles was looking for was something a little more basic.

"When she's going through a tough time, show her how much you care by being there for her."

"But if she's after something from you, don't let her steal important evidence after she slipped you a mickey, or you'll be in a pickle." The hardboiled Peter Parker killed the mood, with a lesson he'd learned from his early days.

Peter B flashed him a disapproving look that screamed, 'That's not appropriate for a child!"

"Forget you heard that. When the date is over, let her know how much you enjoyed spending time with her."

"And if she took a liking to ya…" Peter began and paused for a moment to think, considering the fact that none of his advice had gone over smoothly. "Give her a pat on the shoulder and say you'd like to take her out again some time."

Relieved to have heard many great suggestions from his teacher Peter B and that one piece of good advice from the Peter, whose life was shaped by difficult times, Miles felt confident and ready for his date.

"Thanks, guys. I've got this."

 **Beach**

Using their time off during their summer break, the spider gang travelled to Coney Island beach as a get together.

Happy to sit on the sidelines wearing shades, Peter Parker from the 1930's read the famous, gritty novel 'Shoot the piano player' (courtesy of Aunt May) while seated on a foldable chair, under the shelter of a beach umbrella.

Sitting with his pant legs rolled up and his discarded vest and trench coat by his side, Peter looked like the very image of a man making the best of the situation.

"That's a nice tan you've got going there, you almost look like a darker shade of grey." Spider-Ham sarcastically made fun of Peter missing the point of going to a beach.  
"Don't get cute with me, fella. You're looking pretty rosy yourself." Peter retorted, pointing out what he could only guess was Spider-Ham's skin colour after being out in the sun.

"I'm a pig, I'm supposed to be pink."

While Miles and Peter B Parker were busy building sand spiders, Peni turned to Gwen, who was drying her hair after a nice swim.

"Miles likes you, you know."

"You think so?" Gwen asked, more intrigued in Peni's observation, than the reason behind it. She couldn't deny that she and Miles shared a certain chemistry, but wasn't it a result of the bond they built from being part of a team?

" _Yeah!_ He was looking at you the whole time." Peni insisted. And sure enough he still was. As he traced intricate web lines on his Spider-Man sand sculpture with a stick, Gwen noticed Miles occasionally stealing a glance in her direction, making her face flush.

"Hey Casanova, do you see what I see?" Peter asked Spider-Ham, after making out Peni giggling at Gwen in the distance.

" _Romance_ , at 10 o'clock!" Spider-Ham knew exactly what Peter was thinking about.

Armed with the courage to approach Gwen, Miles suggested a game of frisbee to her. With Peter B as the referee counting all the missed catches, Gwen leaped and spun with the gracefulness of a trained ballerina, giving her a clear advantage.

Now was the time to act. Spider-Ham thought and stealthily threw a harmless, wet ball of sand at Gwen.

"Who did that?" Miles demanded to know, and looked around for the offender who had struck the girl he liked with sand.

"It was probably some kid whose throw was off." Gwen dismissed the incident, as if it was nothing.

Do something Miles! His inner voice urged him. Without thinking, Miles moved his arm and brushed the sand off the side of Gwen's head with full length hair.

"You're not going to stick your hand in my hair again, are you?" Gwen teased, knowing full well that Miles was in complete control of his adhesive ability.

"I won't." Miles promised and chuckled with Gwen about their disastrous first meeting.

 **Black Dog**

"Peter, are you making it rain?!" Peni asked Peter from the 1930's, while shielding her head with her backpack, as they ran to find shelter from the rain. Peni hadn't thought a trip to the supermarket to buy biscuits and tea for May would be an issue. But now that pouring rain has arrived, that would surely soak her cotton socks, she began to regret lingering with Peter at the biscuit aisle.

"Sweetheart, this is Brooklyn on a bad day. If rain falls, then that's just rotten luck. Only the wind follows me."

"Oh." Peni said with disappointment, at the revelation that should have been reassuring.

After a hasty bout of running, Peter stopped at an alleyway and leaned against a dumpster to catch his breath.  
"Are you okay?" Peni asked, concerned for her friend from war time day, which had no doubt been filled with polluted air.

"I'm fine. Just need to take a breather." Literally.

But Peni and Peter were not the only ones wanting respite from the rain. Coming from the end of the alley, a black, scruffy stray dog who looked in desperate need of a good meal, timidly approached them.

"Looks like we're not the only ones in need shelter, eh little guy?" Peter softened his voice, as he knelt down to pat the little dog. He too felt like a stray at times. Constantly searching and fighting to earn his livelihood.

"Doesn't he have a home?" Peni asked, saddened by the thought that the dog had no home to go to during these rainy days.

"Doesn't look like it." Peter replied. It's not like he could take the critter home with him. A wartime dimension was no place for a dog. So Peter left it that. Though the man could be very distant at times, giving the impression of a closed off heart. It was not bereft of compassion.

"But maybe we can find someone who could give him one." Peter added, making Peni cheer with joy.

"There's an animal shelter two blocks from here!" Peni exclaimed, after looking up a local shelter with her phone and gave the little dog a hug, who covered her hand with grateful licks. The dog would not be alone, this Christmas. Peni was sure of it.

"Attagirl."

* * *

 **Merry Christmas, folks! These last drabbles are for you.**


	5. Prank Attack

**Year of the Pig-Headed**

Bantering with criminals was often a fun perk of being Spider-Man. They commit crimes. Whoever wears the mask insults them with relentless quips.

But delivering one-liners had a downside, as Gwen Stacey discovered.

"You guys are late, Chinese New Year was _last_ month!"

Gwen heard Peter call out to the masked members of the Demon gang—one of the most powerful gangs in New York.

"So what are your new year's resolutions? I hope it's 'commit less crimes.' But since we're both here, I'm guessing—ow!" Peter's joke was cut short as a burly goon fired a net launcher, snagging his torso and sending him slamming into the ground.

Seeing that the tables had turned, the members of the demon gang focused their fire on Gwen, while her only partner groaned, as he lay on the ground, tangled in a net.

Scanning the area, Gwen quickly counted four henchman carrying plasma rifles. With her head in their cross-hairs. That posse she could handle. What irked Gwen was Peter's showboating.

"So what was the plan, Peter? Intimidate them with jokes until they surrendered or you got caught?"

"It's not like that..." Peter retorted, but couldn't bring himself to explain any further.

"So tell me—" Gwen began, but was interrupted by a henchman grabbing her shoulder. Annoyed by the distraction, Gwen put an end to the fight and sent the goon flying with a punch to the face.

Using her enhanced strength, Gwen ripped the net apart and freed Peter, who made no effort to get up or even look at her.

"Are you going to tell you me what this is about?" Gwen asked and watched as her disheartened friend's face turned towards her.

"I thought I was doing OK as Spider-Man, but I let a bad guy get away." Peter frowned, his face filled with regret. "And I can't stop thinking about the people who might have gotten hurt because of it."

"It happens, Pete..." Gwen gently reminded Peter. "But you shouldn't lose faith in yourself because of that."

I know..." Peter grumbled with a tone of defeat.

Believing he was incapable of greatness was the very thing that had taken away her best friend. Disappointment in himself, seemed to be a reoccurring foible in the Peters across the Spider-Verse. But in that moment, Gwen could do something about it.

"Come on, Pig-headed Parker, I'll buy you a burger." Gwen told her stubborn companion.

"I have a job, you know. You don't have to do that."

"I know, but I want to."

 **True Confessions**

(Inspired by Peter Porker's unused dialogue about his uncle and a Jimmy Fallon segment with John Mulaney)

The sweet scent of baked cookies wafted through the warm refuge of May Parker's home, as rain pelted the roof. A perfect excuse to watch TV with friends, if there ever was one.

"These cookies are so huge!" Peni admired the cookies larger than her palm. Seated next to her on the couch was Miles, who was not surprised by May's baking workmanship—a woman handy with both a baseball bat and a rolling pin.

As Miles and Peni happily watched cartoons, Spider-Man Noir, Peter B Parker and Spider-Ham were playing poker. The stakes? The last giant sized chocolate chip cookie.

Being no stranger to the game, Spider-Man Noir held a hand most likely to win the game. But Peter faced some stiff competition. Spider-Ham was going to win that game no matter what.

Just then, the deep sound of thunder rumbled and a bolt of lightning lit up the sky, giving Spider-Ham an idea.

"Did I ever tell you the story of how my uncle died?"

"No?" Peter B Parker asked hesitantly, out of politeness. What an unusual topic to bring up, while playing a game amongst friends, Peter thought.

"He was electrocuted." Spider-Ham said, pausing to let the fact sink in, "I brought it up because of the lightning."

The two Peters fell silent, uncertain whether to give condolences or to wait for Spider-Ham to finish. The worst of the anecdote was over, he couldn't possibly have anything else to say, could he?

"The worst part was his neighbour eyeing the door. Like he couldn't wait to sneak in and _eat_ him." Spider-Ham morbidly added with a mischievous grin and waited for his friend's responses.

"That's horrible! Sorry you had to deal with that." Peter B Parker offered his condolences, despite feeling baffled by the revelation.

But if Spider-Ham's world was inhabited by a talking pig, than surely a Big Bad Wolf could exist as well, Peter realized.

"Don't be. He smelled delicious!" Spider-Ham delivered the punchline to his elaborate joke, causing an uproar in the process.

"I can't believe you just said that." Peter B Parker said, incredulous to the fact that Spider-Ham had pulled such a mean joke on them.

Taking advantage of the commotion, Spider-Ham subtly sneaked a glimpse at Spider-Man Noir's cards , who had lowered his cards for just a moment. His hand was good, but his was better.

"Checkmate!" Spider-Ham announced and displayed his cards on the table—a full house.

"Wrong game, friend, but well played." Spider-Man Noir congratulated his opponent, whose smug grin made him look as happy as a pig after a mud bath.

 **Prank Attack**

Peter B Parker had been many things to Miles Morales. A hobo, a teacher, a friend. And now a gaming partner. Now settled in at Mary Jane's apartment, Peter had invited Miles to play an online space ranger game. Peter wasn't bad at the game, by any means, but Miles was clearly more adept with the game than he was.

"Yeah!" Miles whooped loudly , making the captivated Peter so caught up in the game, rear back in his seat on the couch in fright.

"Miles, you nearly gave me a heart attack! I was in the zone!" Peter told Miles off, whose booming voice had nearly scared the life out of him.

"Sorry, man. I had a really good streak going on." Miles apologised. It wasn't his fault his voice was loud. It was puberty!

Mary Jane, who had overhead Peter's little scare, was getting ready to leave, when an ingenious idea came to her.

"Hey Peter, I'm going out for a while, don't forget to take your _heart_ medication." Mary Jane kissed Peter on the cheek and closed his fingers around a pill bottle she'd handed him, to conceal its contents from Miles.

Once Mary Jane had closed the door on her way out, Miles put his controller down to get to the bottom of things.

"Wait. You actually need that stuff? I didn't know!" Miles asked Peter, taken aback by the fact that he could have triggered a fatal heart attack.

"She's kidding, Miles. They're just vitamins. " Peter reassured Miles with a wry smile.

* * *

 **It's been a while since I've written one of these, but since inspiring interviews and podcasts with some of the cast came out, I decided to write one more short chapter for old time's sakes.**

 **If you're a returning reader, thank you for coming back and to new readers** **—welcome! (Reviews are appreciated)**


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